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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Confessions

I've lost another pound today.  I have no desire to find it either!  LOL.  Seriously though, I'm very happy to have my daily meetup with the scale now.  I used to loathe the sight of one!

I want to share something with you about my weight, diet and eating habits.  If you're interested that is.  If not, you're free to go, no harm no foul.  ;))




MOVE THAT BODY
I love to read.  I am a homebody.  I love winter.  These things are not condusive to an active, outdoor lifestyle.  I have to fight every day to MOVE.  I make myself get up and at LEAST get on the floor, on my mat and do yoga stretches.  I find that once I'm down there I feel good and get motivated.  I also make myself go OUTSIDE and breath deeply at least once a day.  I then try to convince myself to jog or walk or get at least 500 feet from the house!!!  It really is a struggle for me to get active.  I am not a naturally active person.  I used to cut gym class in high school because I hated sweating.  Back then I was thin and didn't know any better.  I am tall, 5'8", and in high school I was about 115 pounds.  I wore a size 5 and had a slim but hourglass figure.  As I got older and had children, my weight went up and so did my dress size.  I got married in a size 9 and weighed in at 144 lbs.  I thought I was FAT back then!  OMG.   Then, when I got up to 175 I knew I was "HUGE".  Looking back I should have been much kinder to myself.  When I blew past 200 pounds I knew something had to be done.  When I got close to 250 I really didn't care anymore.  I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up.  I was miserable. I was so very very depressed.  I was in a terrible relationship, I lived in a place I hated (Arkansas). I knew NO ONE aside from the a-hole I was living with, and I said, If I go over 250 I'm just going to eat myself to death.  Luckily I stopped before I hit 250 but I was very close.

CONFESSION TIME
I wasn't going to get into this today but here it goes:  When I moved home to Virginia at the end of June 2012, I weighed 248 pounds.  I had gained 30 pounds in two years living in Arkansas.  It was truly the most MISERABLE TIME OF MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. (whole other story!)    So, July 01, 2012 I decided to take control of my life.  I changed the foods I ate, the way I spent my time, and how I cooked.  I was no longer responsible for making huge meals or taking care of a man and I felt liberated from the kitchen.  (not really a legit excuse but it's 10x harder to diet and live healthy when you have to shop and cook for a meat and potatoes and cake-for-dessert person every day and night!!!)
I really felt free!  It took me a while but I started buying local produce and eating organic foods.  There was barely any junk food in the new house, ever.  People had organic produce, eggs, whole grains, vitamin supplements, juices!  No cakes, no candies, no sodas, no chips, no canned shit-for-food and NO frozen garbage full of chemicals.  I was SO BLOATED when I got here I waddled.  I'm full of shame and kinda crying as I write this but I want you to know it's NEVER TOO LATE to make a change!  I did it and I'm still doing it and if I can, YOU CAN!  It took me four months to detox off the junk food/fast food/processed food crap I'd been filling my body with.  I started losing weight, slowly.  I definitely felt better.  Then I arrived at a point where I wanted to be more aggressive with my lifestyle.  Three weeks ago I weighed (gasp) 236 pounds.  I'd lost 12 pounds in four months just detoxing off the crap food.  Not bad.  That's when I started the lemon water cleanse and decided to move my ass and change my way of life.  Now, I've lost an additional 17 pounds in these past three and a half weeks and I'm down to 219 pounds!  That's a total of 29 pounds since July!



IMAGINE LOSING THE EQUIVALENT OF SIX 5lb-BAGS OF POTATOES~!

One more pound lost and I will have done just that.

I'm now wearing jeans I couldn't even pull up over my ass this summer.  I've gone from 1X and 2X sizes down to 16/18, depending on the brand.  I'm in a regular XL and it fits well.  I hope to be back in a L by New Years and down to a M as my goal.  I'm tall, I'm curvy, and I like it.  I have large breasts and full hips and I like that too.  I just want to be healthy and proportionate.  I don't dream of my high school figure.  This woman has had three kids and 42 years of Life Experience.  My body has battle scars and I'm proud of every one.  I'm a survivor.  But I will still rock a size 10 or 12 red dress like you've never seen!  It WILL happen!

Here are some things I've done to aid my weight loss:



BYE BYE SUGAR
I have eliminated sugar from my diet.  All of it.  I feel immensely better.  I can't begin to describe how good it feels and I've only been living this way for about three weeks.  I can only imagine how good it's going to feel in three months!  I've also cut out all dairy products, not that I ate that much to begin with...  The main dairy products I used to eat were eggs and butter.  I was never into milk or ice cream or yogurt, cottage cheese, or regular cheese.  I do love eggs and real butter though.  I stopped eating butter when I cut out the breads.  That was a great move as well.  I suppose I could eat eggs now but they look so lonely without toast and bacon!  :P  Up until last night I had also eliminated all meat except fish.  Last night I had a bowl of delicious vegetable beef stew.  I think it had about 12 different veggies in it and the base was crushed tomatoes.  It had chunks of lean beef roast in it and honestly it was so good!  I was really amazed that one bowl completely filled me up.  I've been eating healthy and eating less so I am now satisfied with a more "normal" portion of food.  Previously I had been able to eat "hungry man" sized meals and "family" portions.  Very bad.

NO FRIED FOODS/TAKE OUT
I only use cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil for my cabbage stir fry.  I don't eat fried foods any more either.  I quit fast food about five months ago.  I think I've had Chinese take-out less than five times, pizza twice, and Dairy Queen twice in those five months also.  I do love some Chinese food...one of my biggest weaknesses!!!

BOOZE NO MORE
With minor exceptions (I am human after all!) I have stopped the boozing.  I love beer and wine but it surely doesn't return the love!  There are so many calories in beer, I call it "Liquid Bread".  Wine, even the dry red I usually drink, is still sugar water IMO.  It breaks down into excess sugar and is just terrible!  Plus, I used alcohol just like food, to cover up my pain and my feelings.  I would eat and drink my pain away, numb myself to my surroundings.  I hid inside that little apartment every single day, eating and drinking with the curtains shut, the AC on high, lights off, and always on my laptop.  I escaped every way I could but physically.  I was absent emotionally and mentally and visually.  So sad.  I wish I could go back and tell that miserable woman to stop it and make changes but I can't.  I have learned a lot from my past and I hope I can reach out to someone else who might be in a similar situation.  This is only one of many f-ed up situations I've gotten myself into so I will never judge anyone for their mistakes.

Okay, well I'm going to post this before I chicken out.  Please leave me a comment if you feel like it and I will write back.  Don't ever give up.  You can do this.  I mean it.  And also, know that you are worthy of it.  You deserve to be well and to be happy.  I love you.

2 comments:

  1. I am a sugar addict, and have felt better for it. Although I fall off the wagon and re-commit.

    My journey with weight loss has been a real struggle as I also gravitate to a sedentary life style. My biggest accomplishment was the day I figured out that losing weight for me not for anyone else would put me on the road to success.

    I also find that I have to push hard to get going but once I do I feel great whether that is just to go outside or make it to boot camp.

    Hugs
    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keep it up girl, you can do it! A little each day goes a long long way. Never give up on yourself. Never feel bad for what you didn't do. Appreciate the things you've done and hold your head high. We are warriors!

      Delete

Go ahead, make my day. Just don't be an asshole. This is a whine-free zone. Wine is always smiled upon though.