Today I reminded myself that only I am in control of my emotions. If I say otherwise, I am giving away my power. I also realized that it's not important what other people think of me or say about me. I can hold my head up high and look at myself in the mirror each day and that's all that matters.
I have tried to understand WHY people feel the need to cause trouble and drama and start to gossip. When I remove my own ego and self from the situation, I began to see into the heart of the matter. People who stir up conflict are sad and conflicted themselves. It's up to me to love them despite what they say and go on with my own life. When I must interact with the people who want to cause me pain, I have to rise above and forgive them and love them as a Universal being, a kindred soul, albeit a wounded one. The best thing I can offer them is my compassion and love. I refuse to be dragged down into their pit of despair and sadness. I don't need to go there.
I also remembered today that I am strong and vibrant and independent. The Universe reminded me of all the times things have worked out for me when I believed in myself. It's only when I allow worry and fear to control me that things go badly in my life. It's a difficult cycle to break but it's completely liberating when it happens. Yes, I have slipped back down from time to time but I always manage to pull myself back up.
Okay, New Age class lecture is over, lol.
I'm still doing great on my diet and exercise program. Still juicing, still doing the blue mat stretches and yes, STILL DOING THE MILE!
I feel amazing and my clothes are fitting me so much nicer now. I'm wearing things I haven't worn in over 2 years, sometimes 3! I'm donating all of my "fat clothes" to the local thrift shop, save for one pair of hideous brown slacks. I don't even like brown slacks but guess what...it's all they had in my size and price range. Isn't that a terrible feeling?
*I will never again be relegated to shopping the back wall clearance rack of the plus sizes!*
The only thing worse than this is the fat isle at the Goodwill store. Fat clothes that other people don't want. While it's great to catch a bargain in these racks, the selections are sorely lacking. I remember feeling so ashamed of my body that I would only wear sweatpants and tees--FROM THE MEN'S DEPARTMENT because the ladies dept didn't go up that high to fit me right. I never want to see another grey tee shirt in my LIFE! I was constantly asked, "Why don't you ever wear pretty colors?" One, I don't feel pretty AT ALL. Two, I don't have hundreds of dollars to buy pretty things in my current size. Three, I don't want to invest any money in fat clothes because I don't want to stay this size. Sooooooooo, I'd deny myself the pretty things then promptly go out and buy hot wings and beer. Ugh. No more.
I'm finding that this entire process is a learning experience. I have learned a lot about nutrition and how to change your body from the inside out. I used to have horrible breath, really bad. My kids even called it "Death Breath". I had a terrible odor to my sneezes too, so I knew it went past my mouth. I was so toxic on the INSIDE that it was coming out of me! I used to always have gas and bloating and constipation. I felt dull and sluggish all the time. My urine smelled horrible. Now, I'm not saying my shit doesn't stink but I smell a hell of a lot better now than I did 6 months ago!
There's a test you can do right now. Lick the top of your hand and let it dry. Now sniff it. If it has a really bad odor, you need to cleanse your insides and change what you're eating. 6 months ago I couldn't stand the smell of my own saliva. My pillow cases stunk from drool every morning. Now, I feel and smell clean. I have almost no gas and no bloating. I'm regular. I feel light and clean inside and out.
So, I'm going to close this post and bid you goodnight. My mom and are coincidentally reading the exact same library book at the same time and I want to enjoy this long distance connection with her.
Keep your chin up and remember it's okay to get down in the dumps but always know you have the power to pull yourself back up again.
It's not how many times you fall--It's how many times you get back up. (Japanese Proverb)