Monday, April 8, 2013

G is for Glutton/My Food Addiction; A to Z Blogging Challenge

G is for GLUTTON
My Food Addiction

Glutton:  A person who is devoted to eating and drinking to excess.

If you've read some of my earlier blog posts, you know that I'm battling a weight problem.  So far I've lost around 40 pounds in 10 months.  The last three months I've been in a huge standoff with my body just to maintain the weight I've lost and not to gain any of it back.  It's been a very difficult process.  

I've had a 20+year thyroid problem that makes my weight loss even tougher.  Additionally, I have a bad back and a heart condition.  Yeah.  So, the icing on the cake is that I also have an eating disorder.  I am a compulsive over-eater.  I am an emotional eater.  I'm in love with food.  Basically, I'm a glutton.  Now, I don't say that to demean myself.  I realize I have a problem with food and I'm working on it.  I'm a realist.  Unlike drugs or alcohol, I can't just stop "using" food.  I have to eat, daily. We all do.  For me, it's a constant, hour by hour, often times minute by minute battle.   

If I get anxious, I want food.  If I'm sad, I want to eat.  If I'm bored or lonely, I go to the kitchen for comfort.  I am blissfully happy when I am eating.  As soon as I'm finished I feel guilt and shame and the cycle starts all over again, sometimes within the hour.  There's a never-ending feeling of hunger and need in the pit of my stomach that won't go away.  I get messages that say, "EAT EAT EAT" all day long.  It's hard for me to eat "just a little bit" of--oh say--pizza.  One slice?  Are you kidding?  I want the whole pie.  I'll eat half now and take the other half to the bedroom for later.  Chinese food?  No buffet for me thanks.  I'll take several entrees home so I can graze on them all night long and the following morning. One egg and two slices of bacon?  Nope.  Half a dozen eggs and half a pound of bacon, crisp.  I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person, always  have been.  One of my mottoes is:  "Go big or go home".  I can't do something halfway.  Moderation is a nice thought but rarely used in my own life.  I've tried.  I just can't.  This is why I do the fasting and the juicing and the 100% total commitment to exercise and nutrition.  I can't "try" to eat healthy and then have a couple of beers, pizza, chips, bread, etc.  Just doesn't work for me and I always end up feeling like a failure, so I quit. (When I quit I feel like a failure, I get sad, I turn to food.)

My favorite foods, an abbreviated list.

  • Chinese Food
  • Pizza
  • Pasta and sauce
  • Anything made with potatoes
  • Breads, biscuits, and rolls
  • Things with gravy on them
  • Fried food
  • Spicy food
  • Salty food

(Oddly, I never liked sweets, candy, chocolates, cakes, pies, ice cream, cheeses, creams, dairy, milk, etc.)

(Having just a "little bit" of mashed potatoes for me is just like asking an opioid addict to have just a "little bit" of heroin.)

Meals like this one weren't uncommon for me for cook and serve.
Photo is my own. #atozchallenge 

I've quit many times, but I'm still here and I am standing tall and proud.  Today I've won the battle and I march on to fight the war another day.  

Everyone has their own demons.  Mine just happen to be very tasty.

This photo is from Facebook Page.  No copyright infringement intended. Used for artistic purposes only.

*I will be covering this and other personal topics in my upcoming book,"Diary of a Middle-Aged Misfit",which I plan to self-publish via Amazon sometime this summer.  I hope you'll remember me and continue to read my work.  Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.  All comments are welcome.*

I highly recommend this film if you're interested in learning more about food addiction: Lbs. The Movie

Overeaters Anonymous:

Need Immediate Help?
Food Addicts Anonymous
World Service Office

(772) 878-9657

 Monday through Friday
9 am to 5 pm EST
Skype: faacanhelp

#atozchallenge April A to Z Blogging Challenge 2013