Thursday, April 10, 2014

H is for Schicklgruber?

Adolph's father, Alois, was not born with the last name Hitler.
He actually changed it to Hitler in 1877, many years before Adolph was born.
What might the most evil man in history have been named if not for this change?
Heil Schicklgruber?????
1837Birth of Alois Schicklgruber, Adolf's father, as the illegitimate son of Maria Anna Schicklgruber and - ?
1842Marriage of Alois' mother to Johann Georg Hiedler.
1847Death of Maria Anna Hiedler.
1850Alois Schicklgruber apprenticed to a bootmaker in Vienna, Austria.
1855Alois Schicklgruber given employment by Board of Inland Revenue.
1857Johann George Heidler, Alois' stepfather, dies.
1873Alois Schicklgruber marries Anna Glassl (no children).
1876Alois Schicklgruber's name changed to Hitler.
1880Alois divorced by his wife on grounds of adultery with Franziska Matzelsberger.
1882Franziska Matzelsberger bears Alois a son, also given the name of Alois.
1883Death of Alois' first wife, Alois marries Franziska Matzelsberger, Angela Hitler born.
1884Death of Alois' second wife.
1885Alois' third marriage with Klara Pölzl, granddaughter of Johann Nepomuk Hiedler, brother of Alois' deceased stepfather.
1889Adolf Hitler born, the fourth child of his father's third wife, at Braunau, Austria,

Blogging From A to Z April 2014 Challenge
H is for  Schicklgruber Hitler
Hitler.  Six letters of the alphabet, when combined, initiates a response from nearly every person in the world today.  I'm sure some people may be upset with me for blogging about about him, saying things like,
  • "Hitler does not deserve any further discussion" or
  • "Hitler is evil incarnate so why on earth would you want to write about him?" 
  • And my personal favorite, "You're a racist, antisemitic Nazi bitch!"
I've heard all of these and many more. Comments like these are born in:
  • Blind acceptance of values instilled by parents and grandparents.
  • Lack of exposure to belief systems different from their own/Isolation
  • Fear of learning new ideals that makes them "different" from their friends and family.
In light of these statements, I want to begin this post with a personal disclaimer.
  1. I am an avid historian, not a Nazi.
  2. I enjoy discovering little-known facts about historical people without regard to their actions and beliefs. 
  3. I find a wide variety of people fascinating, again, without regard to their politics or actions.
  4. I have a sense of humor.  Highly inappropriate most days but damn, lighten up.  Yes, Hitler was a rotten bastard but I still laugh at the memes.
  5. I don't give a shit about the opinion of others but I'm damn sure not putting up with asinine comments on my blog.
  6. My blog, my rules.
If you are unable to view things from a perspective other than your own, this may not be the blog for you.  

If you have a close-minded attitude and enjoy forcing your morals, ethics, politics, or faith onto others because you "just know you're right" and the rest of the world is "wrong", this blog is not for you either.

Here is the door.

Here is the door for everyone with a close-minded attitude.
Those who shove their personal belief systems onto others can use this door too.
my g+ plus
20 Things You Didn't Know About Hitler
The worst man in human history would be celebrating his 124th birthday this Saturday, April 20th. The only thing you should care about on that day is lighting one up to your health and to his death, but we thought it would be interesting to put together 20 things you didn’t know about Hitler. Other than the obvious that he was a royal prick, but you already knew that.

Hitler Only Had One Testicle
Tis true. The Furor was not so mighty where it mattered. He lost one of his boys in WWI after suffering an injury to his abdomen and groin. And here you thought Lance Armstrong was the worst person you knew with one ball.
Pocket Pool: Single Style
Adolph Hitler casually leans back on a tree wearing traditional German clothing.

Hitler Whistled A Lot, And By A Lot I Mean Entire Songs And Classical Compositions At All Times

Great. So he was that annoying guy who whistled all the time, too. Just another reason to invent a time machine solely to go back and punch him square in his one-balled d*ck.
He Maybe Had Some Jew In Him

Well wouldn't that be ironic? Hitler’s father, Alois, was registered as an illegitimate child with no father when born in 1837 and to this day Hitler’s paternal grandfather is unknown. Alois’ mother, Maria Schicklgruber, is known to have worked in the home of a wealthy Jew, so there is some chance, however small, that a son in that household got Hitler’s grandmother pregnant. Speculation of his sketchy background is increased as Hitler went to extreme measures to attempt to hide his family lineage.

He Wasn't Even German
I know, to most people who know some sort of history this isn't a surprise but to many it’s shocking to know that Hitler wasn't even born in Germany as he’s Austrian. That would be like some Canadian coming down thinking he was hot sh*t and trying to dominate the good ol’ US of A. Not happening in this country.
He Was A Compulsive Farter
Extreme gastrointestinal issues made Hitler the last person you would ever want in your faulty elevator.
Hitler Loved Animals
It's possible that his only truly compassionate feelings were for dogs and other animals. He loved his German Shepherd, Blondi, so much he killed her with cyanide just to make sure it worked before using for himself and the Mrs. Classy guy.
He Injected Himself With Bull Semen To Use Like Viagra
Hey, don't knock it till you try it. Apparently, he needed something to keep up with and satisfy the younger Eva Braun. That something was the jizz of a young bull. There's really not much else for me to say here.  Moving on...
He Never Learned To Drive
Makes sense. I mean, why waste your time learning how to drive when you're busy murdering millions of innocent people?
Hitler LOVED The Circus
Why you ask? Was it the cute animals? The clowns? The freak shows? None of the above. As it was officially quoted: “He takes real pleasure in the idea that underpaid performers are risking their lives to please him.”
Hitler Liked His Niece So Much It Drove Her To Suicide
And by liked, I mean like-liked or batshit ex-boyfriend in love with his biological niece. He kept his half-sister’s daughter locked away in an apartment, which she referred to as her “Gilded Cage.” He wanted to completely control every aspect of her life and forbid her to leave. It was rumored they had a sexual relationship before she decided to bite the bullet. Literally.
Hitler’s first love was Jewish
Hitler was only 16 when he fell in love with a Jewish girl named Stefanie Isak. There are many records which are of the belief that Hitler was extremely obsessed with this girl, and often thought of killing himself, as well as her, for love. Common theme in these facts: Don’t fall in love with or be loved by Hitler. It doesn't have a fairytale ending.
hitler phone
Adolph Hitler smiling and talking on the phone.
Hitler says, "Nein, you hang up first."
Hitler meme.
Hitler Invented Blow-Up Dolls
Well, Guten Tag, Führer ! Actually it was more of the idea he invented, but still the man deserves some credit. Hitler was against his men getting physically or emotionally involved with foreign women so he conjured up the idea of blow-up dolls. He actually expected his men to fulfill their needs and be satisfied with plastic bodied dolls.
Hitler Was A Fan Of Golden Showers And The Cleveland Steamer
Many historians cited in their records that Hitler was a man of bizarre sexual desires. He specifically liked being defecated and urinated on in the bedroom. I can only assume the term Mississippi Bow Tie had to be changed to the Berlin Noose to meet specific Nazi regulations.
He Regularly Ate Up To Two Pounds Of Chocolate In A Day
Talk about a sweet tooth. Hitler regularly ate up an obscene amount of chocolate a day, in addition to pastries and hot chocolate with copious amounts of whipped cream. He generally took his tea with seven teaspoons of sugar, and was even witnessed Hitler adding spoonfuls of sugar to a glass of red wine. Nothing better than a good ol’ fashioned sugar rush tapped off with relaxing Golden Shower later.

Adolph Hitler in suit and tie with serious expression.
Hitler Meme
Gets rejected from art school...
Starts World War.

Hitler Was An Adequate Painter And It Was His Lifelong Dream To Be An Artist
But unfortunately all those art schools in Vienna in which he applied to only accept people based on “talent.” Hitler became extremely pissed off at the man because nobody would give him a chance to follow his dreams and thus became rabidly obsessed with eliminating Jews from the Earth. Makes sense.
He Would Never Be Seen Naked
If every male over the age of 80 has no issues whatsoever from being in a health club locker room sporting their sac in plain view for hours on end while they attempt to put on their shoes then it’s surprising that Hitler refused to undress for every doctor’s examination he had.
Hitler Was A Devout Vegetarian
After the death of his love (his niece), Hitler witnessed the autopsy and became so disgusted he renounced meat forever. Not sure how watching a human autopsy would make one think of food, but that’s why I will never willingly watch a human autopsy.
He Was Also Aroused By Being Abused And Watching Human Suffering
Hitler supposedly begged to be kicked repeatedly by one woman and is said to have had his guards videotape the torture of Jewish people for his own home-viewing pleasure. The man makes Jeffrey Dahmer seem like Mother Theresa.
He probably had Parkinson’s Disease
Or at least most historians think so. The constant shaking in Hitler’s later known footage would put Michael J. Fox to shame.
Hitler Hated Aftershave Or Any Product That Would Improve His Scent
Because who would want to clear up that delightful smell of feces after you force a woman to sh*t on your face? I know I wouldn’t.
So there you have it, 20 random facts about one of history's most controversial leaders.

And you thought you had problems…